whoa

So I was working on a training for a job interview I have on the 2nd and decided to check my facebook.  I had recently, within the last 2 months, gotten back in touch with an old friend.  We were talking often...more him calling me than me calling him, but he told me I provided a "stable" friend.  I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks, which was really weird.  I had started to step away somewhat, as I just didn't have the time to call and text multiple times a day.  I am working on that whole "reciprocal friendship" thing and I was worried if I didn't set some boundaries this would become one of those.  So tonight, I checked his facebook and realized he died of a heroin overdose early this month (insert punch in gut now).   Wholly shit.  We were going to see each other when I came home for christmas break. 

It is weird when you get news like that...Several people had posted on his facebook page.  I didn't...it was just too weird.  If his spirit is out there he knows, and I sure as hell don't need to post it on facebook.  I kinda wish I would have figured out by calling him...but that would be weird too.  Finding out on a social networking site leaves a sick feeling in my gut.  But then again I am writing it in a blog...I don't think he would be offended...i think he would probably be flattered.  I can hear him laughing about it in my head...then going off in 10,000 different directions about 100,000 different things...it would be a fleeting thought for him, as most things were.  If I die, I really don't want people to find out on the internet.  Although I can see him thinking it is pretty cool.  It is strange to me that I was such a peripheral in his life that no one knew to let me know. It is strange that I won't get text from him at 2 am that make no sense.  It is strange to me that he won't call and leave weird messages than end in him somehow making it seemed like I called him and he has to get off the phone quickly because he was busy.  Jesh.  Heroin.  I just looked up on line if o.d.ing from heroin is painful.  According to the guy who wrote about it on the web the o.d. is great, it's the reviving that is hell.  In some weird way this is comforting. 

I feel bad for his mother.  She did know that we were back in touch and I think she was glad he had a stable friend too.  This is difficult timing...not that any time is good.  Death really puts some things into perspective.  For his sake, I hope it was damn good heroin, and I hope it was a fun ride out.