While at lunch today with a friend (who is more of a fan of documentaries and NPR than I am) a thought came into my mind....what is wrong with marrying someone in your own family? I know it might sound weird, we are socialized to think this is gross. But as my anthropological friend pointed out, many places outside of the US (and our ethnocentricity) see this kind of marriage as acceptable. If you look back at history, it was ramped, specifically when there was some kind of royalty involved. My friend said it was based on keeping family wealth in one place. But really, what is wrong with it? Ok, I get the argument that genetically it can create weakness in terms of strengthening mutation within our genetic code by heightening the likelihood of disease...we choose to do this a lot, like lay in beds of radiation and smoke cancer sticks. I have a pretty jacked up body already, and I don't do much to help it (and I am pretty darn sure my folks weren't incestuous).
I am really interested in this concept...not because I want to date someone in my family, but because school has made me think a lot about how we construct our reality, and it seems this cultural rule is just that, a standard we have created. Now, I do think the idea of mutuality in relationships is important. Any relationship should be mutual decided upon with reciprocal love. I am not promoting relationships that could have a power differential, this constitutes abuse, and is deplorable. I am not really promoting any view, I am just wondering how we go about making social decisions?
In some ways, it reminds me of how people pick and choose what to pay attention to in religion. We are going to hate homosexuals and take away peoples choice about what they do with their bodies, but it is ok to get 3 divorces, not take care of our elderly or homeless, and go to McDonald's and stuff our faces. Wait...isn't our body supposed to be a temple? Aren't we supposed to care about our fellow man? You can be a virgin until your hearts content, but if you put a bunch of poison in your body (both physically and mentally), I don't really see how this is any better, but again, this is just me, and I am opinionated. Or maybe I am not, because I really don't care if you are divorced, or eat at McDonald's, or go do heroin, or marry your sister. You are still a human, and, as a humanist, I think you still have some good qualities and are worthwhile...and I would never say you are going to burn in hell...because you know what, I don't know, and I am pretty sure you don't either. Whew...sorry about the rant.
So I guess the larger question I have is, what makes our society the way it is? I tend to think it is all socially made up. We choose it, so we can change it. I am getting away from marrying your sister, and into social responsibility here. :-) I think we have the opportunity to be good beings, the kicker is, I think that is different for each of us...which also makes the concept pretty amazing and eclectically opportunistic.
Ok, i have to get back to work...i do wonder what others think about the whole marring your brother thing and what sort of judgments or meanings others make of it. I realize the view I am taking right now may ruffle feathers. Maybe someone has support one way or another that will shed more light...light shedding is cool, and one of my favorite things in others.
I really liked your discussion, Amanda; it is well written, and I can see the wheels spinning in your head as you consider what you are writing. It seems to me that people have evolved to adhere to certain social rules that keep some type of order. Maybe we need to revisit some of these tenants every once in a while and decide if they are still relevant to what our lives are today. I think you got to the bottom line when you said that each person is socially responsible for him/herself. Diann
ReplyDeleteBeing from Arkanasas... I'm an expert at marrying into your family (ha ha) Honestly, I don't have an opinion except that I need an alternative place to go on holidays from here on out...ha ha ha People married into their families throughout the bible, and I haven't ever really heard a good explanation about it. I would (if I had time) do a study on it because it is interesting! Anyway, I read this agree with a lot of it and love you tons!!! Even though we are very different we are veryVERY alike and I'm glad you are my friends!!! Miss you!
ReplyDeleteI've read some studies which have attempted to find universally "taboo" cultural practices, which would be evidence of something cultural which might not be socially constructed---that is, the prohibition against the practice is hardwired into our heads, and can't be bent by culture without our being willing to resist our reptillian brain parts.
ReplyDeleteSo far, just about any cultural taboo from our culture you can name has been openly practiced by another culture---virgin sacrifice, child rape, female genital mutilation, necrophilia, coprophagia---the list is long and seemingly weirder and more aberrant as you go. The only common thread I see at first blush is that most of the aberrant culture-wide behaviors we get up in arms about are sexual ones, and that almost universally, the aberrant behaviors are performed by men. Without getting too Freudian, there is unresolved tension between the natural expression of sexuality and the social systems (laws, religion, norms etc.) we use to regulate "normal" behavior. In the natural world among many species, the frustrated/unsuccessful male is killed, or is excluded from the gene pool. From this perspective, culture is the socially constructed way for sexually unsuccessful males to increase their chances of sexual activity! You know, we are only thinking of one thing...
Now, about the having sex with your sister thing. Cultural taboos in this respect are valuable biologically as well. It doesn't take long for the expression of negative genes to occur if close interbreeding occurs. We see it all the time in animal species, particularly those that are endangered, if the population gets too low, it is almost certainly gone, primarily because interbreeding reduces vigor and increases the chances of anomalies being expressed.
It just so happens that in most human cultures, there are strongly defined relationships, such as father or daughter, which are so strongly ingrained that the biological benefits of not breeding too closely are also culturally supported. For almost all cultures, the parent-child relationship is incompatible with the sexual partner relationship. So although it is a socially created prohibition, I think the prohibition arose as cultures developed because of a deeper biological urge to increase the success of offspring.
Or not :D