What is it with Sarina Williams' eyebrows?

*Warning--there are curse words in this blog.  If you are offended by that, you may want to stop here.

As I was working on some things for tomorrow the US Open came on my TV.  I looked up from my computer and thought, "What is up with Sarina Williams' eyebrows? Who told her that looked good?"

Immediately I had a rush of, "I would never do that to my face."

Then, I had a rush of, "You, Amanda, are a fucking bitch."

So this blog isn't about Sarina Williams, but about me, and our culture, because I know that 1) I am not the only one who had that thought about Sarina, and 2) I am not the only one to have that thought about myself.

What, as women, are we doing to ourselves?   In reality we talk about others to make ourselves feel better.   Are we just mean girls?  I think it is culturally learned behavior.  We have, in some very strong ways, a mean girl culture.  We learn it every time we are in the checkout line and we see the deluge of tabloids ("Jessica Simpson having a hard time loosing baby weight" or "Beyonce hair catastrophe").   We learn it when we see Kelly Ripa or Kathy Lee Gifford on TV and think, my god.  Is that what it means to be beautiful?  We learn it when there is a segment on every morning show that features beauty products that we need.  We learn it when the "big girls" are always in the funny roles, and not the romantic lead; thus, in essence, making it normal for us to laugh at the fat silly girl.  We learn it when the older, rounder, not as attractive male lead always has a skinny, younger, subordinate or counterpart.  We are taught overtly and covertly what beauty is, and we are taught that we are not that.  So, our natural reaction is to fight back.  But the thing is, we get that wrong and we take it out on others and ourselves.

Do you ever question why the pants for men are almost always in inches and the pants for women are in sizes (6, 10, 12, 16)?  And the sizes...they sure as hell are not the same. So sometimes we fit in  a 7 and sometimes we can only put one thigh in the waist of a 10.  Why the hell can't I fit into this 10 when I can wear a 7?!  Why is my self-worth related to if I can fit into the 7 or the 16?  And why do I judge the girl who is wearing the seven to sustain her self worth, when we both know she would be more comfortable in a 12.   Ehg.  I think I will wear my stretchy waist pants for the 10th day in a row. 

 And do you know what feels better than talking down to yourself?  Being judgy about others.  We learn to be judgy with others and with ourselves.  Watch any of the various options...The Talk, The Veiw, Wendy Williams, Kathy Lee and Hoda, Ricki, Bethany, Anne Coulter, etc., etc., etc.  We learn to be judgy.  We learn to hate the "other" girl: The girl who is different than we are, the girl who is skinnier, happier, has more, has straight teeth, can eat what she wants, has the family, is strong and single, has the man, has the money, and on, and on, and on, and on.  What the heck is she doing with her eyebrows!?

So we do it, we judge.  And, let's be honest, we do it a lot.  I think often to make ourselves feel better.  It often comes in the guise of concern, "have you seen Jenny?" That is some of it, but it is also to say to ourselves, "well, at least I am not as fucked up as she is."   She looses, so then I, by default, must win!

I have a little hope when people who are awesome are not stick thin, when I can somehow relate to them...then...shocking...they get skinny.  IT ALWAYS HAPPENS.  Even with average people.  Do you remember the show "The Swan"? 

Adel, Jennifer Lawrence, and Lena Dunham come to mind as kick ass women who have all melted away the lbs.  While I still love all of these women, I don't have the connection I once did.  They are not "one of us" any longer.  They have become an "other." 

Oh, right...Megan McCarthy.  So there is one person who is not skinny and a famous lady.  She is getting all of the romantic leads...oh wait.  She isn't.  She gets the "fat girl silly leads."  I haven't seen it, but let me guess, Sandra Bullock gets the guy.

Should I mention that women get about 1/4 of the air time in movies that men do (and who are those women, you guessed it, the "pretty" ones)?  I can think of two female movie directors.  One is Sophia Coppola and we all know she doesn't cast non-beautiful people...at least not women.  There  I go, hating on women again.    

We have to do something about this ladies.  We just have to.

Sarina Williams, you are beautiful.

But your personality, well... "At least I have a better personality than you...."
"Amanda, what a judgy bitch..."

Here we go again!  Stop the madness.  Stand up to cultural messages that devalue you (us).  If we don't support it, buy it, or watch it, they won't sell it.  In a world where women in magazines are 98% airbrushed and proof exists that those magazines statistically lower our self esteem, while chickens and women both are getting breasts the size of people heads, we probably don't need any more toxins in our mind, our bodies, or our spirits.  Just for today, i am going to try and love us.