Things to do in 2011 (a list for myself, but also maybe for you too):


I made this list while I was home over break...I am already working on serveral of them, which is bad-ass!  Oh damn...i mean really cool.


* Figure myself out...at least part of me, so that I am better than I am at this moment
* Give away stuff I don't use
* Make more homemade gift
*Sing in the shower more
* Prioritize my time in a healthy way
* Go to bed before 2 am if i have to get up at 7
* Pay it forward
* Practice reciprocal friendship
* Rock climb more
* Learn to snowboard
* Study more
* Be more honest about how I feel, what I want, and what I will not tolerate
* Eat more organic food...not just more food
* Turn off lights if i am not using them
* Lock my door
* Get up in the morning and go to the gym or at least do something active (if i have a partner, sex counts)
* Think about finding a partner!
* Call people I love
* Be less of a snarky bitch when attempting humor...not everyone thinks it's funny
* Curse less around my students...or maybe in general
* Dissertate, dissertate, dissertate
* Pass comprehensive exams
* Don't get pregnant or try heroin for the first time (and especially at the same time)
* Don't drop my computer on my foot and break it (again)
* Watch less reality TV
* Meditate
* Go to the Zen Temple and the LDS church at least once
* Take more weekend trips
* Go to, or plan trips to National Parks and other bad ass place
* Listen to more live music thank I did in 2010
* Visit Erin
* Make-out with cool people (if I really want to)
* Recycle more
* Teach Ben to knit if he still wants to
* Purchase comfortable shoes that are still cute
* Write more for fun
* Eat less frozen meals
* Stop being attracted to people who I shouldn't be or are unrealistic (Matt Parkman on Heroes probably doesn't want to spoon)
* Floss
* If students aren't in my office do work
* Ask someone how they are each day that you did not ask the previous day
* Watch more old movies and documentaries
* Don't rat yourself out as much...you can get away with shit if you just keep your mouth shut
* Write in my new 5-year journal
* Pick out a dog (to own in 1.5 years)

Love letters and hate mail

*I realized tonight that I am almost done with the first semester of my second year in a doctoral program.  Friends who graduated told me this year would go fast, and man, they were right. 

*As I write my pedagogy paper (this is a fancy word for instructional theory) I know what i am talking about and, maybe more impressive, I believe it!  If you would have asked me a year ago what pedagogy was I would have looked at you blankly and distracted you with my witty humor, but now, I can freaking tell you!  Hot damn...I AM becoming an educator.

*I also realized, that when I loose weight, i like wearing tighter clothes.  I hope it doesn't make me look like a slut.

*I am getting on a plane in less than 500 hours and I am thrilled.

*Loss is weird.  If you look back on my last blog I write about a friend who od'ed on heroin earlier this month.  I realize I conceptualize loss in terms of those important to me who have died due to health issues.  ODing is really different than AIDS...and I am going to need some time to figure out how to deal with it.  This is also putting into reality how I have dealt with other losses (breakups, friendships, opportunities, etc.) and how maybe I viewed them all as I did the loss of a loved one to illness...and maybe that was a fucked up way to process things.  The idea that I have a f'ed up way of processing loss is actually pretty freeing, and may allow me to re-think loss.  Maybe my friendship with my friend wasn't so one-sided after all.  Thank you friend.  I will miss your crazy 3 am nonsensical phone calls, inappropriate (yet flattering) use of affectionate pet names, and ADHD distractability during our daily conversations.  Good luck wherever you are Junebug.  I hope you realize what you gave me too.   

*P90X kicks my ass.  I did 30 minutes of an hour and a half yoga video four days ago and I am still flippin sore!  How did I do the entirety of P90X for a month?  Man, I hate when we realize we are fit only after we are no longer fit! 

*My apartment is a mess.  That is what happens when I am in it awake more than 6 hours a day.  Shit.

*At the coffee house I sat across from a first date in progress...between two boys!  Wait, where do I live?  Dear life, thank you for the reminder that there is diversity everywhere.  

*I had my first Thanksgiving away from my family.  We skyped in, and I swear I talked more to my teenage cousins than I do when I am there!  I think the technology medium helped our communication.  That is sad, but it was awful fun.  I also think being able to see themselves on the computer screen helped keep them on.  I think maybe our society is becoming more narcissistic (I say this as a write a blog...oxymoronic isn't it).

*It drives me nuts when people add extra letters  to words...not in a dyslexic way, but it a byee, lovee youu, textt mee sort of way.  I blame it on the young.  I had a hard time understanding this until people I really love got old enough to do annoying stuff.  Don't get me wrong, I love them and their stupid shit, but I don't understand them...and that makes me feel old.

Ok, back to pedagogy.  7 pages down, about 100 to go (not really...but seems like it).     

whoa

So I was working on a training for a job interview I have on the 2nd and decided to check my facebook.  I had recently, within the last 2 months, gotten back in touch with an old friend.  We were talking often...more him calling me than me calling him, but he told me I provided a "stable" friend.  I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks, which was really weird.  I had started to step away somewhat, as I just didn't have the time to call and text multiple times a day.  I am working on that whole "reciprocal friendship" thing and I was worried if I didn't set some boundaries this would become one of those.  So tonight, I checked his facebook and realized he died of a heroin overdose early this month (insert punch in gut now).   Wholly shit.  We were going to see each other when I came home for christmas break. 

It is weird when you get news like that...Several people had posted on his facebook page.  I didn't...it was just too weird.  If his spirit is out there he knows, and I sure as hell don't need to post it on facebook.  I kinda wish I would have figured out by calling him...but that would be weird too.  Finding out on a social networking site leaves a sick feeling in my gut.  But then again I am writing it in a blog...I don't think he would be offended...i think he would probably be flattered.  I can hear him laughing about it in my head...then going off in 10,000 different directions about 100,000 different things...it would be a fleeting thought for him, as most things were.  If I die, I really don't want people to find out on the internet.  Although I can see him thinking it is pretty cool.  It is strange to me that I was such a peripheral in his life that no one knew to let me know. It is strange that I won't get text from him at 2 am that make no sense.  It is strange to me that he won't call and leave weird messages than end in him somehow making it seemed like I called him and he has to get off the phone quickly because he was busy.  Jesh.  Heroin.  I just looked up on line if o.d.ing from heroin is painful.  According to the guy who wrote about it on the web the o.d. is great, it's the reviving that is hell.  In some weird way this is comforting. 

I feel bad for his mother.  She did know that we were back in touch and I think she was glad he had a stable friend too.  This is difficult timing...not that any time is good.  Death really puts some things into perspective.  For his sake, I hope it was damn good heroin, and I hope it was a fun ride out. 

Royals

I am so stinkin' tired of talking about the british royalty.  According to a website, the queen gets paid about 59 million dollars (I converted it from an old figure) a year before money is taken out for taxes and such...and what does she do again?  Another website (I know, really reputable sources, but come on, it is just a blog) said the royal family more than makes back what they get in tourism, but I am pretty sure if they shut down the royal family they would still make money on tourist flocking the royal grounds.  I used to have conversations about this with an old boyfriend from college who was from N. Ireland, and the concept of paying figure heads always got under his skin.  I have a hard enough time caring what wedding dress people I care about choose (they will be beautiful no matter what they wear) so why the hell should I care about what Kate Middelton is wearing?  We have too much freakin time on our hands american public.  Let's try caring about something that matters...

Popcorn

Dear Harry Potter movie and 800 cups of movie butter popcorn, you do not fit well into my "get work done and eat healthy" lifestyle of the last month...but damn, you do make me smile. 

Incest, religion, and the will of humanity

While at lunch today with a friend (who is more of a fan of documentaries and NPR than I am) a thought came into my mind....what is wrong with marrying someone in your own family?  I know it might sound weird, we are socialized to think this is gross.  But as my anthropological friend pointed out, many places outside of the US (and our ethnocentricity) see this kind of marriage as acceptable.  If you look back at history, it was ramped, specifically when there was some kind of royalty involved.  My friend said it was based on keeping family wealth in one place.  But really, what is wrong with it?  Ok, I get the argument that genetically it can create weakness in terms of strengthening mutation within our genetic code by heightening the likelihood of disease...we choose to do this a lot,  like lay in beds of radiation and smoke cancer sticks.  I have a pretty jacked up body already, and I don't do much to help it (and I am pretty darn sure my folks weren't incestuous).   

I am really interested in this concept...not because I want to date someone in my family, but because school has made me think a lot about how we construct our reality, and it seems this cultural rule is just that, a standard we have created.  Now, I do think the idea of mutuality in relationships is important.  Any relationship should be mutual decided upon with reciprocal love. I am not promoting relationships that could have a power differential, this constitutes abuse, and is deplorable.  I am not really  promoting any view, I am just wondering how we go about making social decisions?

In some ways, it reminds me of how people pick and choose what to pay attention to in religion.  We are going to hate homosexuals and take away peoples choice about what they do with their bodies, but it is ok to get 3 divorces, not take care of our elderly or homeless, and go to McDonald's and stuff our faces.  Wait...isn't our body supposed to be a temple?  Aren't we supposed to care about our fellow man?  You can be a virgin until your hearts content, but if you put a bunch of poison in your body (both physically and mentally), I don't really see how this is any better, but again, this is just me, and I am opinionated.  Or maybe I am not, because I really don't care if you are divorced, or eat at McDonald's, or go do heroin, or marry your sister.  You are still a human, and, as a humanist, I think you still have some good qualities and are worthwhile...and I would never say you are going to burn in hell...because you know what, I don't know, and I am pretty sure you don't either.  Whew...sorry about the rant.

So I guess the larger question I have is, what makes our society the way it is?  I tend to think it is all socially made up.  We choose it, so we can change it.  I am getting away from marrying your sister, and into social responsibility here.  :-)  I think we have the opportunity to be good beings, the kicker is, I think that is different for each of us...which also makes the concept pretty amazing and eclectically opportunistic.

Ok, i have to get back to work...i do wonder what others think about the whole marring your brother thing and what sort of judgments or meanings others make of it.  I realize the view I am taking right now may ruffle feathers.  Maybe someone has support one way or another that will shed more light...light shedding is cool, and one of my favorite things in others.    

College Friends

It is weird to look on facebook and see friends from college who are all still friends...going to undergraduate homecoming games, being in each others weddings.  I keep in touch which approximately two people from college on a weekly basis and about five people total are in my life on a tri monthly basis.  Sometimes,  I feel a little jealous that I don't have those relationships, but then I look at my friends, and how they are literally all over the US, and feel very very lucky.  I guess if I would have stayed in the town I went to undergrad in, and if I wouldn't have gone on for a ridiculous amount of school after that, I would have probably stayed tight with more people.  Change is just strange...but I guess that is due to the relationship it has with time.